7 Tips To Improve Your Self-Esteem
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7 Tips To Improve Your Self-EsteemAre you a rock of dependability for everyone else but yourself?
ARE YOU A ROCK OF DEPENDABILITY, one who is forever responsible and reliable as far as others go, but who neglects your own self-image and self-esteem? Isadora, 28, illustrates this perfectly. She was always the dependable one, be it at work, in her church, or with her friends. The most conscientious and diligent person in her office, Isadora arrived ten minutes early every day and was always willing to stay late if necessary. She was a rock of reliability, there at all times to lend a hand or carry a load, meeting her (and everyone else’s) responsibilities.
If you needed a ride, Isadora would soon be at your doorstep in her equally reliable vehicle. If you needed a bridge loan to cover your rent, you could count on her. She was the first one people usually went to in a community disaster.
Rock of Dependability folks like Isadora always open their hearts, roll up their sleeves, and do what needs to be done—whether it’s helping a family whose house burned down at Christmas or comforting a group of children who lost their parents in an auto accident.
What I’ve learned from people like Isadora is that Rocks of Dependability tend to partner with those who are irresponsible, unemployed, or disabled; have addiction and dependency issues; or are trust-fund babies. Ironically, Rocks often marry individuals who seem quite delicate and are constantly craving the company of others to pump up their self-esteem or ego. During the course of their relationship, the Rocks will tend to gain weight as they carry more and more responsibility, and their mates will lose weight as they shed or avoid their concerns. This transfer of responsibility (and weight) demonstrates a dangerously unhealthy interdependency.
What clues signal that you might be a Rock of Dependability? In high school and college, you were the one your classmates copied notes from or called to get the assignments. People are always asking you for a ride. If you miss two days of work in a row, your office becomes chaotic and co-workers call you at home to ask where things are. People seek your advice, even though you’re not a therapist. You're a tried-and-true friend who often goes on rescue missions, whether you’re bailing others out financially, helping them through health crises, or just being there for them when they feel down.
If this sounds like you, then you may be a Rock of Dependability. Who wouldn’t want you on their team? But be careful, because over time your excessive devotion to everyone’s needs but your own will take its toll on your third-chakra health. The first alarm will sound as a pang of guilt right in the center of your gut whenever you aren’t able to come to a loved one’s rescue.
7 Tips To Improve Your Self-Esteem
- Identify that most of your self-esteem is based on being responsible, faithful, and dependable to others, but you’re not conscientious about your own physical and emotional needs, especially when it comes to appearance, fashion, self-image, and general pride in yourself.
- Recognize your belief that self-care, self-adornment, and working on your image and pride are self-absorbed, selfish, and narcissistic.
- Discern the difference between healthy self-esteem (appropriately satisfying your need for a strong, beautiful, attractive, and competent self-image) and being selfish (developing the overblown, overindulged, self-centered persona that you fear). Further realize that by ignoring your need for self-worth in an attempt to avoid becoming narcissistic, you may actually end up attracting people who have narcissistic qualities.
- Restrict the time that you’re responsible and depended upon to work for others. Schedule an hour or two on a regular basis for a little indulgence that’s not related to eating or drinking. Increase your daily quota of time spent on your personal appearance, including hair, nail, and skin care.
- Know that you’re lovable for who you are, not just how responsible, trustworthy, and faithful you can be.
- Change the unhealthy thought pattern: I am not lovable unless I am responsible, dependable, and working to take care of everyone’s needs… to the healthier affirmation: I love with wisdom. I nurture and support others as much as I nurture and support myself.
- Follow my third rule for intuitive health—You can’t always get what you want, but if you try, you’ll get what you need—by feeling as good about yourself when you’re fulfilling duties and responsibilities in your personal life as you do when you’re helping others. To help you boost your health and self-esteem, see my latest book which I co-authored with Louise Hay, All is Well.