Are You Dating a Past-er?
Articles Inspirational articles from Hay House authors
Are You Dating a Past-er?Ditch all old baggage now!
Have you even been on a first date and found yourself sitting across from someone whom you were really attracted to? Someone whom you were just amazed by? You may have even felt like you had a crush on this person because you found him or her so attractive—whether it was because of a certain style, a comment, or a vibe. You probably thought to yourself, This is just going to be an amazing date.
Imagine this: You go to the bathroom, come back, and there’s someone new sitting at the table—someone quite different from the individual you found so attractive just a few minutes earlier. What’s different? you may be wondering. Well, your date has launched into a monologue like you’ve never heard before. The second you returned from the bathroom, this person started telling you all about the past. Not only is your date rehashing old relationships, he or she is also detailing how wronged he or she was in every single one of them.
This person is complaining, and has turned into a past-er.
Now let me set something straight right at the beginning: I’m not talking about a pastor. I’m talking about past-ers: those who live in the past. These men and women constantly talk about all the awful things that happened to them five, ten, or more years ago. They just can’t let go of what was and move on with their lives. And when you discover that your date is one of these people, you may soon realize that there’s absolutely no future for the two of you.
Most past-ers are blamers—that is, they haven’t taken full responsibility for anything they’ve done. They blame everyone who wronged them for everything bad that has ever occurred in their relationships. You’ve probably heard the term poor me. Well, these people definitely fall into the “poor me” category, but I personally prefer to call them past-ers.
These individuals come in all different variations. Some have been cheated on endlessly by their lovers and can’t figure out why they always fall for those who betray them—it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with them, right? They just seem to have bad luck when it comes to dating. Or do they?
Here’s something for you to chew on: I believe that the vast majority of individuals who have been cheated on actually attracted the partners who betrayed them; in fact, they enable that behavior through their own negative energy. I’ll just go ahead and say it: I’m convinced that those who complain about being cheated on are themselves 100 percent responsible for the cheating.
I know you’re probably wondering, What about those pathological cheaters who do it for the sheer enjoyment and thrill of it? Sure, there are people like that. But, if you consider the Law of Attraction, you’ll recall that you attract those who match the vibration you put out into the world. If you send out an energy that shows neediness and insecurity, you’ll attract individuals who themselves are needy and insecure . . . and many cheaters possess these very issues. They’re constantly requiring that their egos be stroked by a series of romantic partners who tell them they are handsome, beautiful, or the greatest lovers in the world.
You must look directly at yourself and learn how to take full responsibility for all of your actions. If you don’t, you’ll never move forward. Who are you attracting into your life, and why? Is it someone who’s strong and self-confident, or is he or she weak and helpless?