Are You Really Listening?

I’ve met more and more individuals who love to talk about themselves. They seem mesmerized by what they’re saying and leave little or no room for a response.

One of my acquaintances hardly takes a breath. I’ve often wondered if he carries an oxygen tank in case he runs out of air. He has a tremendous need to inform me of every minute of his day starting with breakfast. The content is often heavy in the area of his work life. Since he’s a musician, he wants me to know who he’s playing with, what kind of people have hired him, how long it will take, and how much equipment he has to set up. I have tried to interrupt with even the shortest phrase such as “That’s nice”, to no avail. I could, and have, left the phone for a few minutes to do something around the house, only to return and find that he didn’t even know I was gone!

Another individual I know finds it necessary to inform me of every activity her children are engaged in—what they wore to school and what TV shows they watched. During one conversation, she gave me a vivid and detailed description of her root canal. She practically had enough information to perform one herself! I jumped in at one point and suggested she might want to go to dental school. There was not even a giggle. She actually agreed with me and went on to give me another fifteen minutes on her trip to the supermarket and the vegetables she bought that she read would be good for her brain. I really wanted to respond that perhaps she might consider buying some tape for her mouth, and some cement to fill the hole in her head, but I held back.

Oh, I know. I could get off the phone with some lame excuse, but I keep hoping that I might get a chance to respond. Either that or I’m a sucker for being a verbal hostage. I really believe that the reason some people do this is because they are hungry for human dialogue. We’re in a culture where being busy is more valuable than having deep, meaningful conversations. We have forgotten how to listen or how to engage the listener.

Lighten Up Your Week:

The next time you talk to someone, you may want to periodically say “What do you think?” If they don’t answer, you know they’re probably vacuuming or cleaning the toilet.