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4 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries

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4 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries

Ask Yourself - How Do You Feel About Saying No?
Nick  Ortner
Nick Ortner More by this author
Mar 09, 2015 at 08:45 AM

Do you feel as though you have the right to say no to people and situations in your life that make you uncomfortable in some way?

When we set healthy boundaries, we can take care of ourselves. When we don’t set boundaries, however, we allow people to do and say things that feel unsafe, and then stuff down the emotions we feel in response.

There are many ways to create healthy boundaries, for example, saying no when you’ve always said yes, speaking up when you’ve always been quiet, not sharing parts of yourself or your life with people who aren’t supportive. For most of us, it’s like learning a new skill, which is usually awkward and uncomfortable at first.

It can also be scary because we fear we’ll damage or lose important relationships. The first step is to train your unconscious brain that it’s safe for you to create healthy boundaries. To begin, start small and pick a situation that doesn’t feel threatening or where you have little to lose by creating a boundary. It could be as simple as letting a phone call from an unsupportive friend or family member go to voice mail.

As you begin to create healthy boundaries for yourself, keep in mind these simple but powerful tips, which were provided by Donna M. White, LPCI, CACP, on Psych Central:

1. Get clear on the boundary you need to set. Use tapping to get in touch with where your boundaries lie with different people and in different situations. It’s normal for them to vary from one person to the next, so don’t worry if your boundaries aren’t consistent from one relationship to another. The goal is to get clear on where your boundaries are with different people and in different situations.

2. Be firm when you set your boundary. To explain why you’re creating a boundary, you may want to share your feelings or experience, but then be firm about the boundary you’re setting. Don’t let yourself be talked out of setting your boundary.

3. Remember you’re not responsible for someone else’s response. You’re setting boundaries for yourself and your own well-being, which means you can’t be responsible for other people’s reactions. Other people’s reactions are not your responsibility. You need to focus on taking care of yourself so that your unconscious mind doesn’t hold on to chronic pain in order to protect you from the people and situations where your boundaries get crossed.

4. Remember that it’s a process. Learning to create healthy boundaries is a process, so be gentle with yourself and know that it may take time to learn how to create healthy boundaries. Get support, seek out feedback, and be open to new and better ways of approaching the process.

In my new book The Tapping Solution for Pain Relief: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reducing and Eliminating Chronic Pain I explore how repressed emotions can then contribute to chronic pain. As we explore the upsides to pain and the downsides to pain relief, there’s a pattern we see on both sides of the issue, and that’s the absence of healthy boundaries.

About Author
Nick  Ortner
Nick Ortner is CEO of The Tapping Solution, LLC, a company with a mission to bring simple, effective, natural healing into the mainstream through Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) or “tapping.” Tapping is a healing modality that combines ancient Continue reading