Many of us look back on our teen years with reluctance and embarrassment while anticipating every moment of our daughter’s adolescence with dread. The idea that a teen girl is a social pariah and a powder keg of emotions is what drives this negative forecasting. As a nurse-midwife who has cared for teen girls for over 20 years and the mother of a teen daughter, I say it’s time to take a more positive approach to adolescent girls and their hallmark behaviors—for their sakes and ours!

Without question, the tumult and ever-changing emotional landscape of a teen girl can be hard to keep up with. But as mothers to these chameleon-like creatures, whose ability to change shape and shade is nothing less than shocking, I say let’s look at the bright side. Sharing your living space with someone whose skill set includes a flare for the dramatic, the ability to ferret-out hypocrisy in a millisecond, and spontaneity that borders on hyperactivity has its pluses. These pluses may sometimes be elusive, but if you look at the situation more closely, it can help you regain some resilience and put some perspective on the alien creature you’re forced to introduce as, “My daughter.”

Here are five reasons why loving your teen girl with abandon and no strings attached will be good for both of you:

1. Teenage girls go full-throttle when it comes to their passions: When a teen girl becomes passionate about an idea or activity, she won’t think twice about giving it her all. You have to love it when she starts baking cupcakes at midnight for a fund-raising bake sale the next day. When was the last time you were so generous with your time? Or, even felt so interested in anything? My own daughter’s efforts on behalf of the causes she feels most committed to are inspiring. 
2. Teen girls can be hilarious: When you catch them at the right time and are willing to suspend your own sense of propriety for a bit, you’ll be given the privilege of seeing the world from an entirely different point of view—one not weighed down by the pressures of adult life. I recently watched a popular comedy with my teen daughter and her adult brother; and the laughter that ensued, across generations, was priceless. Many of us lose the ability to experience the “church giggles” as we move into adulthood, but if you hang out with your teen girl when she’s in a funny mood, you’ll probably laugh more than you ever imagined you could.
3. Teen girls are fearless fashionistas: Girls have a fashion sense all their own—personally and collectively—and although you wouldn’t wear some of their outfits (nor would I ever recommend copying them in any way), you have to give them a lot of credit for their fearlessness when it comes to fashion. It can inspire you in its own way to try something you’ve had your eye on but have been too shy to put on. As is evidenced by their boldness, the world won’t come to a screeching halt if you do.
4. Teenage girls surrender when they don’t feel well: The truth is, adult women often plow through their days with fevers, crippling menstrual cramps, or the flu. It’s hard for any of us to take a sick day, even when our bodies are begging us to. Somehow, adult women feel that being sick will leave an eternal black mark on their reputations. This is not the mind-set of a teenage girl. For many of them, the Red Tent stays up for monthly use, a migraine sends them to bed, and the flu has them flat on the couch in front of the television with a box of tissues. And, they expect someone to take care of them! This is enviable, and we should follow their example.
5. Teen girls’ affects match their emotions: Teen girls have little trouble holding back when they’re angry, joyful, or lustful. When was the last time you were this transparent? We should all be so present in our emotional lives. And, while we may need to help them contain and deliver their feelings with more grace for improved acceptance from their listening audience, there’s no mistaking what’s on their minds and in their hearts. By the time many of us reach adulthood, this authenticity has been socialized right out of us.

Loving an adolescent girl can be like “making nice” with a hyena who’s eyeing you as a meal. But, the fact is when she hugs back and really means it, it’s the sweetest feeling you’ll ever have and all your efforts will feel worthwhile.