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5 Steps For Increasing Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship

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5 Steps For Increasing Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship

Laura Berman Explains Soul Gazing
Laura Berman, Ph.D.
Laura Berman, Ph.D. More by this author
Jul 05, 2016 at 03:30 PM

Soul gazing with your partner is a wonderful way to ground your energy together and create an emotional intimacy that is often beyond words. In fact, while you are doing this exercise there should be no talking. It is like consciously connecting your essential selves. You can soul gaze with your partner fully clothed, but it’s even better when fully undressed. You can do the exercise by itself, or use it as a way to get completely present and connected on every level before you are sexual together—as part of or preceding foreplay.

Soul gazing should last at least two minutes, which I promise will feel like a very long time at first. Often people feel uncomfortable when they try it the first time, but don’t be discouraged. It may feel awkward in the beginning, maybe a bit silly. You may want to giggle a little—and let yourself, if you need to—but know that it is just from nervousness around how unaccustomed you are to this level of deep intimacy. It’s normal, and it will pass.

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Here Are 5 Steps For Increasing Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship:

1. Sit comfortably facing each other, cross-legged on the bed or some other comfortable surface, maybe supporting yourself with some pillows.

You can also try a position known as Yab Yum. Here the larger partner is sitting up straight with back supported and arms embracing the other partner, face to face.The other partner is sitting in the first partner’s lap, supported by the embrace, wrapping his or her legs around the partner’s waist.

2. Take a few moments to ground yourselves and open your hearts.

If your partner doesn’t know how to do this, you can explain it. If he or she enjoys this, grounding and opening your hearts together as a daily practice (at any time) can bring a new level of connection to your daily life together and help you resolve an argument quickly and effectively.

3. Place your right hand over your partner’s heart, and have your partner do the same.

Put your awareness on your partner’s heartbeat. Can you feel it? Imagine your heartbeats synchronizing and entraining. Take some deep breaths together.

4. As you keep your hand over your partner’s heart, stare deeply into his or her left eye (directly above the heart).

Imagine you can send all your love into your partner’s eyes, and visualize it traveling like energetic light through your partner’s whole body.

5. Now start to synchronize your breath, taking slow, deep breaths in and out while continuing to gaze into your partner’s left eye. 

If you’d like to, you can add another level to soul gazing by incorporating circular breath. In this case, you should be in the Yab Yum position with your faces close together. The idea is to create a circular, continuous flow of breath with no break or pause between inhale and exhale.

1. Breathe gently through your mouth, keeping your face, mouth, and jaw relaxed.

Let the back of your throat relax and, without pushing out your breath, let it simply fall out of you.

2. Breathe in and out in a continuous circle. Do this on your own and then—the key of this exercise—do it with your partner, synchronizing your breath.

In the Yab Yum position, stare into your partner’s eyes and breathe the circular breath into each other’s mouths, both of you breathing out at the same time.
(Hint: make sure you don’t eat a garlicky or heavy meal before this, and brush your teeth!)

Soul gazing during the act of sex not only makes the experience phenomenally more rich and deep but also slows things down in a good way. Once you have mastered soul gazing during foreplay, I encourage you to try it during intercourse if you are engaged in a position that is face to face. You continue penetration in this position but stay perfectly still during soul gazing. You will be amazed at how intense and arousing it can be.

Falling in love is a thrilling, transcendent experience . . . but what about staying in love? Once the intense excitement of a new relationship starts to fade, you may think your only options are to somehow recapture that early magic or settle for a less than fulfilling love life.Tap into the latest scientific and metaphysical research on love, sex and relationships with Dr. Laura Berman in Quantum Love: Use Your Body’s Atomic Energy to Create the Relationship You Desire. A higher level of love is beckoning you to move forward, not backward. 

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About Author
Laura Berman, Ph.D.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., is a world-renowned educator and therapist in the area of love, sex, and relationships. She is the founder and director of the Berman Institute in Chicago, which specializes in helping couples learn to resolve Continue reading