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9 Fears, Habits And Patterns That Hold Us Back

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9 Fears, Habits And Patterns That Hold Us Back

Learning To Unlearn Will Set Us Free
Barbara DeAngelis Ph.D.
Barbara DeAngelis Ph.D. More by this author
Feb 13, 2017 at 05:15 AM

I have always been a voracious learner. When I grew older and began my formal spiritual studies, it dawned on me that as much as I still had to learn, I also had a lot I needed to unlearn. The practice of unlearning is a necessary relinquishment and an essential component of authentically transforming.

Unlearning is a powerful and important form of relinquishment. So often we define ourselves by what we’ve learned and how much we know. The truth is that many times our greatest victories  and personal achievements  are in what we’ve “unlearned.”

When you want to properly refinish a piece of furniture or paint a room whose walls are covered with old, peeling paint, you need to strip off the existing paint so that the new coat sticks. You scrape and sand off what you don’t want there anymore so that the new paint will adhere to the surface and evenly cover every spot. Unlearning is like stripping the old understandings from our consciousness so that our new revelations and awakenings can “stick.” 

You can’t just paste new understandings and wisdom on top of your old, limited consciousness. You can’t just cover up old patterns with new behaviors and expect them to stick. They’ll be undermined by what’s been there before. At the same time that you’re learning new, expansive ways of thinking and functioning, you have to be unlearning.

Learn more about your relationship with yourself here

Here are just a few examples that many of us can relate to:

  1. To unlearn how we keep ourselves in a constant state of anxiety by ignoring or avoiding unpleasant situations or feelings we need to face.
  2. To unlearn the ways we push others away and keep love and intimacy out.
  3. To unlearn all the ways we habitually judge ourselves and others.
  4. To unlearn the “shoulds” we put on ourselves every day that set us up for failure.
  5. To unlearn our old programming that keeps us having vibrational flashbacks.
  6. To unlearn our fear of being authentic, so that our true self can emerge and come out from behind the mask.
  7. To unlearn the habit of always trying to please everyone, even at the expense of our own self-respect.
  8. To unlearn our pattern of hiding our true feelings from others.
  9. To unlearn the way we shape-shift around people in order to try and control how they see us and end up sacrificing our integrity.

Unlearning is a concept that many of us don’t ever consider. Instead, we think, “What did I learn? What did I get? What did I accomplish?”

I’d like to suggest that perhaps some of your greatest accomplishments are in what you’ve already unlearned, what you’ve already stopped doing, and what you’ve already relinquished.

True learning actually always involves some unlearning. The process of unlearning is not as visible or obvious as the experience of learning.

In the unlearning, however, you make space for more wisdom. You make space for more insights. You make space for more love.

In this way, the choice for unlearning is The Choice For Love







About Author
Barbara DeAngelis Ph.D.
Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D. is one of America's leading experts on relationships, and a highly respected leader in the field of personal growth. As a best-selling author, popular television personality and sought after motivational speaker, she has Continue reading