That time I thought I could not go any closer to grief
without dying — I went closer, And I did not die.
Mary Oliver, Heavy

It’s inevitable. We all will have to grieve the loss of loved ones in this lifetime. My father died when I was 25 years old. My mother passed away just before Christmas three years ago. There is no way around it. You can’t avoid grief. To live fully, we have to meet grief with courage, with love, and with as much support as possible. With this in mind, I would like to share with you some thoughts about grief that have helped me in my life.

Grief is an angel.

Not everyone recognizes her as such. Especially not in the early days after we have experienced our loss. We resist grief in the beginning. We don't want to know about her. She appears as an old hag and as a sinister character in a nightmare. We can’t see her for who she is. The pain of our loss is too great. We are still in denial of what is. We are not ready to open our eyes.

We all experience loss.

The form of every relationship has to end eventually. We know this is the deal here on earth. Even so, we are totally unprepared for loss. It comes as a shock. Life is impossible now, or so it seems. No one can survive grief alone. That is why grief appears at our door. She is an angel, I tell you. She is here to help us heal our loss.

Grief visits everyone.

We have to be willing to let grief in and have her stay a while if we are to come to terms with what has happened. We will shut her out many times. Fortunately, she doesn’t give up. She hovers over us, ready to catch us when we are off guard. She waits for us in the dark. She helps us to meet our anger, our pain, and the urge to die.

Grief teaches us to forgive.

With her help, we forgive our losses in all their guises. We forgive the world for being only temporary. We forgive each other for leaving and for dying. Through forgiveness, we see that some things can’t be lost. Form changes, but love is constant. Bodies do die, but souls still keep each other company. Relationships are forever in the Oneness of things. Forgiveness gives us life after death.

Grief takes us on a journey.

She helps us to forgive our past and heal our future. She introduces us to new friends. Chance meetings happen as soon as we’re ready. Invitations appear from nowhere. Extraordinary encounters are arranged. Books land on our lap – books like Thirst, by Mary Oliver, which includes a poem called Heavy, which I have quoted at the top of this article. Each day we take another step into a new world. We are not alone and synchronicity is the new reality now.

A Prayer,
To The Angel of Grief, I pray that you may help me to grieve so well that I may know in my bones, in my heart, and in my soul, that love never dies, that our souls live forever. Amen.