I’ve spent my life studying the world’s religions. And the majority of them have been created around a solitary charismatic mystic. And each, no matter where in the globe or when in the span of human history, stumbled onto a golden rule . . . that we are to love each other as we love ourselves. On a certain level there’s actually no difference between self-love and love of another. To love another is to love ourselves. And we are to do this not because of some external prompt. We are to love and be loved simply because this is what we are here to do.

A Divine Feminine Voice

“The Thunder, Perfect Mind” is an ancient manuscript that could date back as early as the 1st century B.C.E. It was found in the 20th century at Nag Hammadi along with about 50 other manuscripts that represent the Gnostic Gospels. It contains a divine feminine voice that seems to want to relate an all-encompassing presence that exists within each of us. Chapter 4, verses 30–31 reads, “Since what is your inside is your outside / And what you see on the outside, you see revealed on the inside.” This suggests that in our search for love the interior terrain is as crucial as what we witness and experience in the world around us. Our capacity to love another is directly proportional to our capacity to love ourselves.

For most, it starts outside of us. We begin to love ourselves because we are loved by another. Then—holy revelation—the time comes when that external source of love goes away or turns toxic. Perhaps after years of waiting for love, it still hasn’t arrived and you’ve had it. Hopefully, you will realize that any and all outside sources of love are too inconsistent to rely on as your mainspring. You need you.

How Do We Get There?

How do we become the love we’ve been looking for? The transformation happens by creating a miracle. I’m serious. It takes a miracle. But start small. And fake it until you make it. I started with gazing into my eyes in the bathroom mirror. At first, I laughed. Made jokes. (“Come here often?”) But I stayed with it. And I began to focus not on those two blue irises but the presence of love that emerges from behind them.

It began. And then it grew. I met with that quiet yet steel-like presence of love within me whenever and wherever I could. I began to acknowledge that presence as my soul. And I started leaving it love notes. With a red Sharpie pen, I wrote on the mirror:

i am divine love

Some miracles come gradually. For me the miracle of recognizing my own love came little by little. But the utter transformation is nothing short of living revelation. Now I am love in action. For me this is the most radical thing I can do. The most powerful spiritual practice for me is the act of loving myself fiercely. Because in my experience, everything becomes possible when a person dares to meet with the love inside them. 

To get started on the path to truly loving yourself, see my new book that I co-wrote with Lodro Rinzler  -  How To Love Yourself (and Sometimes Other People) . It is full of guidance for embracing singel life, dating with an open heart, and thriving in lasting love.