Every February 14, we’re supposed to express our love to our sweethearts, if we have one, by giving chocolate, flowers, cards and other shows of affection.

There’s something missing here.

Before you shower someone else with love and affection, you need to bestow love and affection on yourself. Only then can you be a wonderful sweetheart.

What’s more, you want to be sweet to both your honey and yourself not just for one day in February. You want to be a valentine all 365 days of the year.

Here are four Ways to Start to Be an Every Day Valentine.

1)    Decipher the Food-Love Connection.

Begin by looking at what you’re eating and how it’s affecting your moods, sense of humor, and ability to be amorous. Yes, what you stick in your mouth can make you affectionate and passionate or cold and self-involved. As my clients and I have discovered, the surefire way to NOT be loving is to eat sugary foods and refined carbs. Start jotting down what you eat and then pay attention to how what you eat is affecting the way that you relate to your loved one or yourself. For instance, when you eat those tempting milk chocolate candies, wolf down a slice of pizza at lunch or drink that second latte with carmel sauce, do you become anxious, confused, depressed, frustrated, grumpy or melancholy? And when you go for quality foods (ample protein, smart fats and quality carbs like brown rice or sweet potatoes or fruit), are you calmer and more loving?

2)    Skip Sweets to Be Sweet.

I hope by now, you’ve made the connection—if you eat sugary foods or those quickie carbs, you’ll be less loving. Just start experimenting. Try scaling back on the sugar and fast carbs to see if you become happier, kinder, and more tender with your significant other and with yourself. Spend the day choosing healthier carbs and proteins, as well as more veggies and fruits. Skip those white breads, cookies, candies and any foods sweetened with sugar. Skip the soda and the vitamin-richwaters—diet or otherwise. Are you nicer to your significant other and your kids in the evening? Do the people you love notice the change? Are you sweeter to yourself too? Can you feel the difference in how you treat yourself?

3)    Grant Yourself License to be Sweetly Imperfect.

When you don’t expect perfection, everyone around you benefits. When you give yourself a break for not meeting unrealistic expectations, you’ll naturally be kinder and gentler to yourself and those around you. So next time you’re imperfect, just say to yourself, “[Your Name], you did the best you could. That’s okay. You’re still beautiful.”

4)    Find Your Sweet Serene Spot Naturally.

Within each of us is a calm core, a solid center, but many of us lose sight of this fact. I invite you to begin a practice of meditation, which can be powerful, soothing, and transformative. No amount of drugs, candies or cigarettes can take you to that peaceful place. But breathing and watching what Deepak Chopra calls “the space between your thoughts” is the surefire way to access your Sweet Serene Spot—and to do so naturally. There are many ways to meditate, but one easy way is to set your timer for 10 minutes and then just watch your breath go in and out, in and out.

These four steps will give you a good launching part to become more loving not just with your special someone but with yourself every day of the year.

Happy Valentine’s Day!