The obsession with always being positive has become so extreme that it has even resulted in rules about what you’re allowed to say. In fact, you may have heard the admonition to never use the word want. The implication is that it will cause you to focus on the fact that you don’t already have your goal. For example, if you say, “I want a man,” it only makes you realize that you don’t already have one. The theory encourages you to say instead, “I have a wonderful man,” and to continue to repeat that until it becomes a reality.

But when it comes to attraction, what you say or how you say it isn’t the most important issue. It’s your entire life force—the consciousness rooted in your belief system—that really matters. If you’re looking for a new relationship, it won’t depend on whether you use the words want or have; it will depend almost exclusively on how you perceive and relate to yourself. You can tell yourself that you have a new relationship, and you can put pictures on your treasure map and feng-shui your bedroom with candles and rose quartz; but if you look in the mirror with self-loathing, you’re out of luck. It’s either not going to happen at all, or you’re going to attract a man who’s as hateful to you as you are to yourself. The bottom line isn’t your words—it’s your genuine self-regard and self-care. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man as long as you want to (and do) love yourself first.

Lie of Attraction

If you want good things to happen to you, you must use correct language and watch everything you say.

Truth about Attraction

When you live from the heart and consistently come from a place of love and honor for yourself and others, it simply won’t matter what words you use.

When you hear yourself judging or condemning yourself, it’s a major red flag that your thoughts must be changed. Reversing consistent patterns of self-negation is far more important than worrying about fleeting negative ideas or using words such as hope or want instead of believe. It’s your self-perception and your self-love that will bring real energetic harmony and guide your life force forward. This core truth not only determines the quality of your life, it also influences the results of your dreams and desires.

Don’t obsess over your “attraction language.” The most important language is that of self-love. When you’re continually using words that don’t honor you, then that’s the stuff you really need to change. When you recognize the language of the old lies you were taught—phrases such as I’m a failure, I don’t deserve, and I don’t believe in myself—take a deep breath and affirm: I release that. I bless myself and live in the beauty and truth of my eternal worth. I am free. I am deserving, and I am filled with value just as I am.

A big part of the power of attraction comes from your peace of mind, so don’t panic over every negative response. And since no random thought can ruin things for you, don’t make yourself crazy scrutinizing every word you think and say. When you recognize a persistent pattern of fear or self-judgment, simply make it your highest priority to change that habit.

The intention to bring healing, trust, and love to your own heart will ignite your life force with brilliant energy. In the deepest understanding of consciousness-created reality, it’s your pervasive peace and gentle self-care that make your life magnetic. All attraction starts with this truth: You are worthy of your own love.