Several weeks ago, I appeared on the Rachael Ray show as an expert on the topic of sex over 50. The guest with whom I was working was Debbie, a gorgeous blond from Phoenix who didn’t know she was attractive. When Debbie turned 50, her sex drive simply went away. Separated from her husband, she stated that men wanted women who were much younger and could do things like put their legs behind their heads. Debbie was in good health and had not had a hysterectomy. And when I met her, I could quickly see that her main problem was simply perception, not her biology. 

Here’s what I told Debbie and Rachael Ray’s audience: There is nothing about menopause, per se, that decreases sex drive. In other words, no research has ever conclusively shown that hormone levels or anything else in the female body, changes enough to deaden libido. In fact, research shows that the best predictor of a good sex life during and after menopause is a new partner! Obviously, I don’t want women to end perfectly good marriages and relationships just to get their mojo back. It’s not necessary. Instead, as I said in my PBS show Menopause and Beyond: New Wisdom for Women, your task is to “become” a new partner.

So how do you do that? You first must change your perception. Despite the ageism of our culture and the relentless media focus on youth, older women can be very sexy and attractive to men of all ages. Here’s the truth: Goddesses never age. And goddess energy (which is another word for the Divine Feminine) is the secret of youth.

Reigniting libido is done by getting in touch with your life force. Because energy follows thought, you need to begin thinking different thoughts. In Debbie’s case, I first told her that although she may not be able to recognize it, she was a beautiful woman and that there was nothing wrong with her body. The audience agreed, and even the staff at Rachael Ray, including the guys in the control room, told her she was gorgeous. (Believe me, that helped!) I advised her to watch her self-talk. She needed to be more self-appreciating and less self-deprecating.

While on the air, I showed an anatomical drawing of female erotic anatomy—that’s right—the erectile tissue inside the female pelvic that matches in volume the erectile tissue in a man’s penis! This diagram is in the chapter on sex in the revised edition of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom. I told the audience that because energy follows thought, simply looking at the diagram and thinking about your own erotic anatomy would begin the process of sending blood to the area. And you could begin to feel this area waking up. Try it! You’ll see just how true this is.

I also showed the studio audience a variety of jade eggs from China—an ancient secret to sexual health and pelvic floor functioning. (Check out www.jadeeggs.com to learn how to benefit from this wonderful invention.) I also showed the audience a variety of different lubricants and recommended estrogen vaginal cream for those who require it.

All of these things do one important thing: They get your mind into your pelvis, which is where you can feel what it is like to be physically turned on. Well, guess what? This same physical arousal will occur when you are “turned on” by doing something that you love. That’s right! Your erotic physical anatomy is a signal that you are following your bliss. Built right into your body. How fabulous!

Here’s the formula: Life force equals turn on, which equals more nitric oxide from blood vessels (the molecule of turn on in the body) and the result is enhanced circulation and enhanced health. Simple. Easy. 

And that brings me to the subject of erotica. Erotica is simply literature or movies or poetry that turns you on. Romance novels function as erotica for women, because women are turned on by what they hear and read (by and large). Women are also turned on by what they see, but are far less visual than most men. Like all things, life force has to be stoked regularly so that it keeps on burning brightly. What we pay attention to expands. It’s a law of the universe. Regular doses of erotica keep the pilot light lit! One of my all time favorite erotic heroes is Jamie Frasier from the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. I’m willing to bet that this fictitious character (invented by a woman) has turned on millions of women worldwide! 

Meanwhile, back in real life, Debbie left the Rachael Ray show transformed. And on her way home, she was upgraded to first class on the airplane, given a free meal, and also attracted the attention of a handsome guy with whom she exchanged phone numbers. How did all this happen without a prescription for hormones or antidepressants? She simply changed her mind and, thus, her biology. She stepped into her inherent life force, and her circumstances changed.

Life force is there for you, for me, for everyone. And it’s very powerful in the springtime. It’s also free. May you have the courage to turn yourself on—way on—this spring!