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It's been an intense and at times threatening past few months for many of us, either due to devastation from weather, unexpected job losses, home-grown terrorism, sicknesses, accidents, government financial defaults, or just plain daily disappointments, and I've had a number of clients tell me that they just can't seem to rise above the undertow of negativity and fear all of this stress has brought about and now feel terribly depressed or worse, and really stuck. I can relate. I, too, have faced more than a few serious disappointments and challenges this summer, none of which I expected, and yes, it does leave one feeling out of control and vulnerable… at least at first.
Yet, once we absorb the initial shocks of change, and loss, or disappointment and begin to adjust to the upset and trauma such things bring about, it is important to remember, on a soul level, that all changes we face carry with them an invitation from our Spirit to move past these temporary conditions. This is so that we can live at a higher, more free, more honest, more authentic, and more creative and divinely conscious level than the one we were living before our loss or upset.
In response to the many who have written to say they are stuck, or to help those who may get stuck in the future, I'd like to share my newly acquired technique for moving through pain and loss and connection to our Higher Self as quickly as possible for guidance and healing. I read about it in a book called Just Listen by Dr. Mark Goulston and with some of my own small modifications I find it works well for me and I hope it will work well for you, too.
According to Dr. Goulston the key to moving successfully through loss and back to higher living is to respond to loss in the most grounded, honest, and creative way possible. To that end, he suggests that we essentially have three brains; a reptilian brain, or “fight or flight brain,” an emotional or feeling brain, and then our higher awareness or creative brain. This, of course, greatly simplifies the brain and the various ways our brains function, but for our purpose of working through upset and trauma quickly, this simplistic understanding is enough to get us through loss and back on track to recuperation.
In order to move through the negative feelings of loss and despair and be able to tap into your creativity and intuition, you must move from the reptilian brain response, through the emotional response, and then on to the higher Spiritual response as quickly as possible. Only there, in your Higher brain, or mind, or Spirit, (my version) can you hear the voice of your intuition and follow this inner guidance to higher ground. This sounds difficult but in fact can be done easily by using this 5-step method to move onward and upward when faced with upset, loss, disappointment, or any other unpleasant situation.
Begin by imagining that you are stepping onto a small five-step ladder, each step leading you away from the problem and toward the intuitively guided solution or new direction.
Close your eyes and take the first step, saying either to yourself or out loud, (I prefer out loud.):
Step 1. OH %%$@!!! (This is the first reptilian fight or flight response.) Then take two deep breaths.
Then mentally step, problem in mind, up to
Step 2. Then say quietly, or out loud, “OH my God!” Again take two deep breaths.
This step moves us on to our emotional victim response.
Step 3. Next, move up to the third step and say, “Oh NO!” Then take two deep breaths. This step takes us further into the emotional and even denial response.
Step 4. Continuing, move up to step 4 and say, “Oh Well!” This step walks us out of denial and into an acceptance, and now detachment response.
And finally step onto the top step, into your Higher Self, your Higher Consciousness, where in your mind’s eye you can see clearly once again and say,
“OK! Now what is the solution?” This final step opens the door to full acceptance of the event and now gives us access to a receptive intuitive response.
At first these five steps may take a while to move through, but if you practice them like a drill, moving more and more quickly through them each time you face an upset, the more quickly you can calm the emotional waters and the undertow of fear, and get connected with your Intuitive Spirit who can then guide you safely and in a grounded way to a productive creative response and move you to higher ground.