So what is it that we all look for? Happiness? Love everlasting? Peace of mind? Health? Success? All of these at once? As a therapist what I find that people look for most is emotional stability or emotional harmony so that they can make the most of their lives instead of being haunted or pinned down by negative emotions. Most people realize that it is neither possible nor desirable for life to be a bed of roses.

No matter how hard we work at our well-being, life will always remain unpredictable, and both good and bad things will happen. There is nothing any of us can do about that. What we can do, however, is influence our reaction to all that life brings to us and thereby greatly influence the quality of our life! I cannot control my children’s behavior, but I can do something about my reaction to it. I cannot make someone love me, but I can influence how I feel about that. I cannot make the traffic jam disappear, or my salary increase miraculously, or the sun shine on a grey day, or everybody to like me, but I can do a lot about how these things affect the way I feel.

Instead of getting angry at my children, I can choose a more constructive approach to reaching them. Instead of being scared of my boss’ appraisal, I can develop greater self-confidence. Instead of feeling inferior to my best friend, I can unearth those deep-rooted feelings of low self-worth. Instead of pretending that nothing’s the matter, I can open up to my husband and talk to him about my feelings. There are countless examples, but what they all have in common is that the solution to our problems usually lies within ourselves and not out in the world. Instead of uselessly trying to change the circumstances and the people around us, we can change the way we react. In other words: if we learn how to reprogram our emotional brain, we will not be under its spell so often any more. Instead of our emotional brain reacting to the present as if it were the past, we will be able to react from our rational brain to the present. And what a difference that makes.