We have many stresses in life that are a result of things that we cannot control – relationships, work situations, finances... the list goes on and on. On top of that, we also place a great deal of stress on ourselves that we might not even be aware of. These stresses come from old patterns going right back to our childhoods – a teacher’s voice telling us that we are not good enough, a father’s repeated cry that we are lazy, or that we never finish anything we start, our mother constantly criticising how we look. It’s human nature to incorporate these voices, these old “scripts”, into our thought patterns, into the essence of who we are, because, in the words of Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman – the bad stuff is easier to believe.

We do believe 'the bad stuff' – in fact, these scripts gel together over time and become core beliefs, beliefs that we hold true above all else.

Most of the time we don’t realise why we always put ourselves down, some of us don’t even know that we are doing it at all. However, it is our human nature and something that people are becoming more aware of. It can be difficult finding out what these beliefs are, and understanding how they are holding us back from living at our full potential. But as we grow into adults the core beliefs become embedded into our identity and are a fundamental part of who we are. So when the “real”, external stresses come around, we are already at a disadvantage.

I see stress as a type of energy with a flavour all of its own. It can creep up on you when you least expect it, it makes your hairs stand on end, your breathing becomes shallow and quick, and it can give you nervous knots in your stomach. It’s the most common reason my clients come to see me. If you carry this stress energy around for too long it makes you sick, disconnects you from life and from the people around you.

Seeing stress as an energy in your body that you need to remove, instead of something to become caught and wrapped up in, suddenly makes it easier to work with. It doesn’t change the situation that is causing the stress, but it does allow you to have a framework to work with to get through the stress and feel more grounded in yourself.

Here are some practical things you can do when you are stressed:

The first thing you need to do when you are caught up in a stressful situation is to separate out what is “real” from what is not real.

For example - what is “real” is that which is external, out of your control and actually happening, where what is not “real” are your thought patterns and beliefs (such as “I’m not good enough” and “I deserve bad things to happen to me” or “bad things always happen”).  Ideally you would take the latter and work on it during a time when the “real” stresses are not so great, so that when something challenging happens to you, you have already become familiar with your scripts and can separate them out or catch yourself when you are piling more stress on top of something already affecting your life.

If you find that you are stressed now, and have not yet been able to do this work on separating the "real" from the not "real", then just breathe. Decide that you will learn from your current situation and commit to taking a deeper look at your core beliefs when things have settled down around you.

The healing part!

You have to take the stress energy OUT of your body. Once you remove the stress you will then be able to see things more clearly and respond to the situation in a more capable way. Know that when you are stressed and coming from that energy space, you are more likely to react to a situation rather than respond to it, most likely making things worse for yourself.

Ways of taking stress out of your body:

• Use the stone technique. If you’re really stressed, holding a stone in the palm of your hand and telling the stress energy to get into the stone can really help. I know it sounds silly, but try it. Truly! You can then incorporate breathing techniques to “push” or “move” the stress energy out from where it is blocked in your body (usually around the stomach or chest) and into the stone in your hand. You can then put the stone into the sun to clear it, or bury it in the garden, get another stone and do it all again until you feel better.

• Breathing technique - Blow the stress energy out of your body. With your strongest intention to not feel stressed anymore, taking this in a gentle way, use your breath to blow the stress energy out of your body. If you find yourself getting lightheaded, make sure you tone down the breathing, and have your feet flat on the ground. You don't need a stone for this, just imagine the energy is leaving you through the breath, and you’re getting lighter and lighter and more relaxed with every breath.

• Making Lists - Write down everything that is bothering you, from the biggest thing (e.g. you are about to lose your job), to the littlest thing (e.g. your jeans are uncomfortable because you just had that chocolate muffin you promised yourself you wouldn’t have...). Look at your list critically and mark off what you can control and what is out of you control. Circle the biggest issue and take it to another blank page, make a list of what you can do about the problem/what you want to happen. Make space to breathe. Then put your second list into action. Yes, you have to do it!!

• Dance it out! Dancing and running, walking, going to the gym, and most other types of physical exercise can all burn off the energetic stress levels that you are carrying. Then you can breathe, see a bit more clearly and perhaps make that list I just talked about (if you haven't already), and then have the energy to put it into action.

Where do I go from here?

There are many other things you can do. Gaining a better self-awareness is the first step, so that when stress hits you can recognise it right away. And again, knowing your core beliefs really helps, so when you are causing yourself more stress, you can see what you are doing and stop it. Work on these during times when you are not under external stress, so that you’re in much better shape overall. Talking to friends, to family or working things through with a therapist is a good way to start your path towards knowing yourself. If it feels like the right thing for you, you can meditate, or ask the Universe for a sign or for a dream with a message, or both.

Even when you do know yourself you will still be subjected to stress from external situations that you cannot control. This challenge is what gives us our life lessons, and honestly, if we were never challenged, we would not stretch and grow, and we would never learn that we do have a lot to offer, that we do have talents, that we are creative and that we are stronger and bigger than the people we see ourselves to be.

Editor's note: For more from Abby, read her article What is Energy Healing? or watch her reading from her Hay House Basics book on Energy Healing in this video: