I got married for the first time when I was just shy of twenty. I was in college and working part time to pay for books and sundries. We had gotten engaged when I was sixteen, so I had quite awhile to save and prepare for what I thought was going to be a fairy tale life. Shortly after I got married I got pregnant with my first child. My son attended my graduation in his baby carriage. Two other children followed shortly thereafter. My dreams of a career were sidelined in deference to being a stay-at-home mom.

At that time in history that’s what women did. Our time was spent cooking, cleaning, and taking care of junior. However, I had the unfortunate need to be a perfectionist. Nothing was ever clean enough or good enough to pass my inspection. Whenever I talk to women who have the same mindset, I’m reminded of how insane I was.

My fairy tale ended with a divorce and as a result I had to seek employment to stay financially afloat. My ex did his part, but I definitely had to pitch in. Now I was working and also parenting and managing a home. Over the years this lifestyle continued and in many ways escalated. Success in my field of interest burgeoned. Although it has been a blessing in many ways, it has often been a curse. Being a successful woman often brings a lot of angst. The time spent away on the road, writing books, and trying to manage one’s health, home, family and friends is often daunting.

The family may be at odds with the time you spend away from them. But women will add the burden of guilt to their already overburdened lives, whereas men seem to be free from those types of feelings. We may “have come a long way baby” as an old cigarette commercial once touted, but we have managed to create lives that take a lot of work, with no time for self-care.
I have often parroted women in my groups that say, “If you don’t take care of yourself, it’s harder to take care of anyone else.” Yes, men are helping out more on the home front. But let’s face it, we are still primarily the domestic goddesses turned worker bees. What I really think we need are wives. Ones that attend the June Cleaver Institute. Then we just might be able to lie on our sofas with a glass of wine and a good book.

Lighten Up Your Week:

Take some time each day to get your “sofa time,” to do what makes you smile.