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Making Deals with the Dark?

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Making Deals with the Dark?

Get untangled and seek the light.
Deborah  King
Deborah King More by this author
Sep 12, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Every day we make choices, large and small, sometimes without even thinking about them.  Fresh fruit or cheesecake, a walk around the block or catching up on your favorite sitcom; these decisions matter, but certain choices have the potential to cause real damage to your body, mind and spirit.

When you sell out or let go of something you value in exchange for something that fills a void or sooths a fear or insecurity, you may be making a deal with the dark. Deals with the dark are especially insidious because they tend to come with a big side order of denial, keeping you tangled up in your decision when everyone around you can see that you’re making a big mistake.  That denial, when trapped inside, can result in dysfunction in both your chakras and your body, causing depression, anxiety, insomnia, weight gain, and even physical illness.

I recently helped a woman who had made a deal with the dark, with devastating effects:

Claire, a stylishly dressed gal with a French accent, came up to me after a recent workshop. I could sense that she was struggling with guilt and regret, and that her self-esteem was compromised.  It turned out that after decades of working herself half to death building her business, she realized she had a problem. Over the years, she had saved a lot of money, but had also acquired a nasty addiction to alcohol.  Tackling her addiction with the same determination she’d applied to building her business, Claire was soon successfully working a 12-step program.

But in her first year of recovery, Claire broke the cardinal rule of not getting intimately involved with someone she met in the program. She couldn’t resist – new to sobriety and struggling with having just turned fifty, she jumped into an intense relationship with this handsome guy. (There’s a good reason why these programs advise against dating in the first year of recovery, especially when you are dating a person who is also new to sobriety – if they slip, they can pull you down with them).

Just being around her new man made Claire feel beautiful and desirable again.  She could deal with the discomfort of tackling social situations without a drink when she had him on her arm.  She could ignore the fact that he seemed more interested in her money than he did in her, didn’t really support her sober lifestyle (he had quickly fallen off the wagon) and that her friends called him a gigolo.

Claire had made a deal with the dark: blinded by denial about what her guy was really after, she stayed in the relationship until her boyfriend had drained her considerable savings account. He then promptly left her, broke, devastated and humiliated. It was only with a herculean effort that she managed to hang onto her sobriety.

I was able to help Claire become disconnected from cords to her past that made her vulnerable to both addictive substances and relationships. Now her job will be to tackle her depleted bank account and reconnect to the caring friends she had alienated.

Claire ignored several red flags. Here are my dos and don’ts for avoiding a deal with the dark:

DO have a foundation of mindfulness, and listen to your instincts. Listen to that little voice inside yourself!  Practices like meditation and journaling will keep you in touch with your true, higher consciousness, and keep you from rushing mindlessly into bad choices.

DON’T ignore the evidence.  If Clair had paid attention to the clues that her partner gave her, she would have realized that he had a pattern of living off of wealthy women, and was perfectly comfortable bartering his considerable savoir-faire for a cushy lifestyle. Instead, she let her ego convince her that he loved her, ignoring piles of evidence to the contrary.

DO have an awareness of your own motivations and insecurities. If you are feeling insecure about your looks, you will be particularly vulnerable to someone who makes you feel beautiful. If you are afraid to be alone, you might be willing to part with something you value to keep someone in your life.  These motivations could make you blind to situations that are not healthy for your body, mind and spirit.

DO listen to conventional wisdom. Claire was warned by many in her 12-step program that it wasn't advisable to start a new relationship in the first year of sobriety. That advice was based on experience and she would have been wise to listen!

DON’T ignore trusted friends and family members. Listen when people try to tell you that you are making a mistake, especially if you are hearing the same warnings and advice from more than one person.

DO cut your losses. Don’t stick with a dark choice out of embarrassment or stubbornness – ditch the denial and get out as soon as your realize that you are in a situation that compromises your higher purpose. The sooner you remove yourself from a deal with the dark, the sooner you can let the light back into your life!

DO check out Hay House’s Seeking the Light Live Online Event. Join me there for a 4-part Series and get my new book, Entangled in Darkness: Seeking the Light, shipped to you FREE, and become a master of the light. Hope to see you there!

About Author
Deborah  King
New York Times best-selling author, health & wellness expert, and spiritual teacher Deborah King was a successful attorney in her twenties when she was diagnosed with cancer, which began a quest for healing that would radically change Continue reading