Faye Dunaway once said that “the best thing for beauty is just being happy.” You can be the most gorgeous woman in the world, but if you’re down on yourself you won’t look wonderful.

Owning your beauty means you accept and recognize the beautiful and characteristic traits that you already possess. It also means that you build upon that foundation, by enhancing and maximizing your best features first. Only after you’ve done that do you move on to tackling your weaknesses.

One of my colleagues, an anesthesiologist with an exceptionally beautiful, long, sculpted neck, came over to me one day and said, “I’m thinking about having my breasts done.”

I looked at her in shock. “I hope you haven’t caught me staring at you,” I told her, “but you’ve got the most magnificent neck I’ve ever seen.” She looked at me as if I’d grown two heads, but then quickly realized what I was saying. She gave me a swift hug and confessed that she knew she’d become fixated on her breasts and that maybe she was obsessing about the wrong thing. And guess what—she ended up not doing her breasts, after all.

It’s easy to spot women who own their beauty. They’re the smiling ones striding down the beach, clad in a bikini while proudly showing off their curves (while you might be wrapping a sarong around your behind the instant you get up, lest someone judge the tiny pooch of cellulite on your thighs). They’re the ones walking down the street with their heads up, their backs straight, their clothing fitting them impeccably, and that je ne sais quoi, which is French for “I don’t know what”—but is really a way to say, “That woman looks great, and I’m not sure what precisely she’s done, but she’s done it!”

You can’t own your beauty if you aren’t confident in your own skin.