What does it take to manifest the love of your life?  I’ve heard from first-time brides (at 49 and older!), from busy entrepreneurs whose 80-hour-a-week work schedules left little time for romance, and from divorcees and widowers who were convinced that the opportunity for true love had long passed them by.

Whether these soulmate success stories come from Russia, Ireland, Spain, South Korea, Nova Scotia, Poland, Iran, Slovenia, Austria, Germany, Norway, or the good ‘ole U.S. of A., I can always spot the common theme woven throughout them. Those who have successfully manifested their soulmates did so by finding a healthy balance between intending and allowing; between doing and being. Sure, they did the work:  They made soulmate lists, they cleaned up the emotional baggage still lingering from past relationships, and they made space for their beloved’s presence in every area of their lives. But they also cultivated a state of what the Buddhists call Beginner’s Mind. They carried out manifestation exercises and rituals with an attitude of openness, eagerness, and an absence of preconceptions. Even if their hearts were still aching from a past breakup or their present circumstances were less than ideal, they didn’t allow themselves to fall into the common trap of thinking that they’d already done and tried everything, and therefore nothing new would work for them.

Occasionally I receive stories from people who fall into this latter category, from men and women who are frustrated because they’ve been actively “searching” for their soulmates without success. The theme of their stories is equally easy to detect. It goes something like this:  I’ve watched ‘The Secret,’ I’ve made my list of qualities that I want my ideal man or woman to possess… It’s been almost a year and he/she still hasn’t shown up!  The energetic signal being sent through these messages practically jumps off the page and, let’s just say, it’s not one of irresistible attraction! 

Becoming a successful manifestor – whether you want to manifest love, money, a new career, or simply a parking space – requires a certain level of emotional maturity. Great manifestors have learned the art of managing their thoughts and emotions so that even when doubt, fear or other limiting feelings pop up, they are not swept into a spiral of negativity. Developing this kind of mental discipline requires us to make a deliberate choice to focus our attention on what we desire rather than on what we don’t want.

For example, whenever I catch myself dwelling in a negative or unpleasant thought or feeling, I say to myself “cancel-cancel,” and I then intentionally create a new vision for myself. Sometimes this simple shift in perception is all I need, and other times I reach into my toolkit of emotional release techniques and dedicate five or ten minutes to working through my mini-issue so that my creative energies stay aligned with the outcome I desire.

As someone who is consciously focused on manifesting your soulmate, you, too, must recognize the powerful influence your thoughts and feelings have on your point of attraction, and do your best to keep them positive. I know; the process of magnetizing your soulmate can get discouraging at times. But if you’re approaching it from the mindset of “it’s been a year and it still hasn’t happened,” you’re living in the reality of what’s missing. The universe simply can’t add more love to your life when you’re focused on the love you don’t have. Like the old tale of the farmer pulling up the newly planted seed to search for evidence of growth, the very act of “searching” evokes a feeling of desperation that blocks the natural flow of love. But if you can shift your focus to magnetizing your soulmate rather than “looking” for him or her; and if you can adjust your emotional state from impatience to savoring the waiting, love will blossom in its own time, and in colors and fragrances that will both surprise and delight you.

Those who successfully manifest love have learned and surrendered to the fact that it’s not our job to know where or how our soulmate will appear. We don’t have to micromanage every encounter or anticipate every detail. Our job is to simply prepare ourselves in body, mind, and soul and then relax into the knowledge that the one we’ve asked for – wherever he or she may be at this moment – is on the way.

Your soulmate is on the way to you from wherever he or she is right now. The details are not yours to coordinate. Your job is simply to love yourself, enjoy your life as it unfolds in each moment, hold a clear intention of the love you are manifesting, and have faith in the unseen forces that are even now guiding the fulfillment of your dream.