Often the people that most antagonize us are the ones we need most to teach us what we want to learn. My mother used to say, “Birds of a feather flock together.” Call it that, or call it simple attraction, anger attracts anger, hostility attracts hostility, love attracts love, and so forth. What we resist we tend to become. When we see something in someone we do not like, we need to be careful, for often they are mirrors of ourselves. What we dislike in them is likely to be a behavior of our own. When we are alert to this, it’s quite easy to do something remarkable, something that truly changes your own reality.

When I lived in Las Vegas, Nevada, my local post office was always jammed with patrons. They all seemed in a hurry, and the clerks were absolutely rude. Many times heated arguments erupted between patrons and staff. I decided to try a little experiment. “What would happen if I just smiled and beamed light to all of these people?” I thought. Every day for at least two weeks when I stopped to pick up my mail, I did my best to focus light on all. One day the oldest and grouchiest of the postal clerks, whose line I was queued in, looked up and said, “Hello, Dr. Taylor.” There was a smile on his face and in his voice. From that day forward, every clerk in the office spoke and smiled, laughed and joked with me.

Everything had changed. They were still snippy with other patrons for a while, but the smile and light had paid off. Somehow, unconsciously even, they identified me with warmth and love. Within a few months this post office and its employees were as warm and friendly with everyone as any I have ever visited. It is amazing what a little unconditional love can do. We all are capable of coaching or cheering on our friends and family, but when it comes to strangers, particularly those we think of as rude, it is often another matter. It doesn’t have to be. This is just another way to do good deeds.

Again, self-responsible means taking responsibility for everything in your life. That does not mean you’re in charge of your environment and in control of all the stimuli you encounter. It does mean that you’re in charge of your own inner environment and you begin to make choices—true choices that are healthy and wise. The so-called bad luck is seen through a different lens.

Let me tell you about one of my favorite country songs. The song titled “Unanswered Prayers” tells of a young man who falls in love with a girl in high school. He prays nightly that she will see him and love him in return. She marries another man, and years pass. He eventually meets a woman who turns out to be the real woman of his dreams. A few more years pass, and he receives an invitation to a high school reunion. At the reunion he sees the sweetheart who married another. She has aged early, is nasty and bitter, and in other ways is totally unattractive. He looks at his wife and says, “Thank God for unanswered prayers!”