I have seen the enemy, and it is me. It took a long time to figure out that I was an accomplice to my lack of judgment in many areas of my life. It’s so much easier to blame someone or something that drove us to get overstressed, angry, overweight, or in a dysfunctional relationship or job. We don’t want to take responsibility for our actions because it takes effort to change our ways.

I used to believe that many of my feelings were the direct result of other people’s behaviors. In other words, they (whoever they are) made me upset, so I was stuck in the situation as long as they were in my life.

This type of thinking, of course, is absurd. It forces us to constantly put our time and effort into how we’re going to change others—something that we have absolutely no power to do. What a waste of time! But many of us are experts in making ourselves crazy by thinking irrational thoughts.

I’d often get upset because my family didn’t help me around the house. My favorite mantra was No one ever helps me! All I was doing was reinforcing the obvious. Why would they want to help me when I acted like a domestic warrior? My goal was to make sure that everyone around me understood that I was capable of doing everything perfectly. I was Martha Stewart before she came on the scene. The only problem was I was always exhausted. Fatigue could not stop me from my appointed tasks. I was like the postman. I had to deliver. To get some sympathy, I added martyrdom to my menu of irrational behaviors. My conversations used to include statements like Nobody cares or I have to do everything myself. It took me years to realize that I had to start delegating responsibility not only to get help, but to teach responsibility and accountability to my children. Life became much easier and I became less interested in becoming the Grand Poobah of the Universe. None of us can do everything and do it well. Life is so much more fun when we’re all contributing and sharing the load.

Lighten Up Your Week:

Go over your to-do list this week and see if there is one thing you can delegate to someone else. And when you feel like blaming someone, resist the urge!