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Who Invented Girdles Anyway?

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Who Invented Girdles Anyway?

Loretta LaRoche
Loretta LaRoche More by this author
Sep 29, 2010 at 02:45 AM 0 comments

Every generation of women has a garment that is supposed to help eliminate bulges, bumps and all manner of obvious lumps. My grandmother wore a corset. I used to have to help her pull together both sides and snap it shut. I remember struggling with it as if I were reeling in a large tuna. I would try to encourage her to try to simply wear a bra, but she was adamant that it made her back feel good and made her figure look more youthful.

I used to wince when she took it off, because in its place were a series of depressions that resembled train tracks.

My mother wore a girdle. I never understood how she got it on, because it looked like it might fit a toddler. But I guess that was the whole idea. Once you got it on, which could take years off your life, you looked like you were smaller. Again, marks from the girdle were imprinted on her body when it came off. I tried it on once and thought “I will never, ever wear this crazy thing as long as I live!”

Well, we all know that many of our resolutions can change over time, and once I had a baby, I fell into the need to purchase something to flatten my belly. At that time in history there was something called a “living girdle.” I think once you put it on it died, because when you took it off it had a rather peculiar odor. You had to powder the inside and then wiggle your way into it. In order to get through the day you had to carry an oxygen tank because breathing became almost impossible. I finally threw it away because I knew it was either me or it.

Well, now, a new generation of fat flatteners has emerged called Spanx. You can purchase one for almost every part of your body. They recently came out with one that addresses the front and the back like a suit of armor. I tried the pantyhose on with the control top, because if anything is “out of control” it’s my stomach. I walked around the house a few minutes and ripped them off. The relief I felt was immediate. I knew at that moment that I was meant to have it “all hang out.” Let’s face it, all these under garments that promise miracle results, lose their miraculous possibilities once you take them off. Perhaps working out and eating less might just be more of a miracle.

Lighten Up Your Week:

Dance naked in front of the mirror and celebrate every bulge and bump that moves!

How do you feel now?

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