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Why You Don’t Always Have to Do-It-Yourself

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Why You Don’t Always Have to Do-It-Yourself

The Healing Power of Asking for Help
Lisa  Selow
Lisa Selow More by this author
Sep 07, 2014 at 10:30 AM

So many women get caught up in trying to be Superwoman. They think that by doing everything on their own, they become their most powerful selves. It can be tempting to strive for perfection and take the concept of do-it-yourself a bit too far at times. Do-it-yourself (DIY) became a popular term in the 1950s, describing a way to avoid hiring experts in order to save money on home-improvement projects. The phrase has since extended to refer to other areas, such as crafting and music, and I apply it more broadly yet in discussing life balance.

DIY is popular with unconventional types since it’s sometimes seen as the ultimate rebellion against the authority figures or experts that you traditionally had to consult or employ to get things done. For rebel chick mystics, however, admitting, “I need some help,” is a simple act of positive rebellion. You’re rejecting the notions that women have to be everything to everyone, have to get tasks at home and work done on their own, and have to figure out new skill sets alone. Instead, you’re choosing to ask for help, a path that isn’t always well-traveled.

Overturning the DIY Lie

DIY sometimes is a great way to feel empowered. It works well for making cupcakes, sewing baby clothing, making your band’s demo, and redoing your patio. In other areas, it doesn’t end up serving you well. Women often feel that they have to do everything themselves simply because they know they are capable of it. This mind-set can create a high level of stress, as women try to be experts in everything. I believe that you really end up shortchanging your spirit, along with possibly exhausting yourself, if you attempt to constantly DIY.

The thing is, you can’t know everything, and you can’t do it all on your own. This is why DIY is a lie. Even experts hire assistants and subject-matter experts from time to time. Understand that there are some positive aspects of asking for help:

•           You give someone else the satisfaction of being of service.

•           You help others earn a living doing what they enjoy, by paying for their expertise.

•           You free up some of your time so that you can focus on other areas and even get more rest.

•           You demonstrate to the universe that you’re willing to be helped. This can open you up to receiving more good.

•           You might learn new things that you’ll be able to use later in some way. When you hire experts, you can pick up tips, tricks, or guidance as you consult with them.

•           You can reduce stress, freeing up the energy that is being used to worry so that you can work on other aspects of projects and your life.

You may need to flex some courage muscles to rebel against the lie that you can do it all yourself. You could have been conditioned to believe that household duties like cooking and cleaning are your job. If you aren’t the breadwinner, you may be pressuring yourself to do all of the child care and household management. My female coaching clients who telecommute mention that it’s hard to ignore the piles of dirty laundry or dishes, so they take care of them, just because it seems easier than asking others to help out. I’ve also heard women say that they feel guilty watching a loved one do something they feel they could have done. Maybe you’ve had similar thoughts as you watch your spouse or children do chores that you assigned, also telling yourself that in the time it took to tell them what to do, you could have taken care of it yourself. Sometimes women are comfortable asking for help, but not receiving it.

It’s possible that you actually may end up saving money and time by hiring help for your pressing challenges, since sometimes an expert can find shortcuts. There also may be free or low-cost options, such as low-cost beauty services at cosmetology schools or free or donation-based psychological counseling by graduate students at local universities. I’ve seen reduced-fee massage therapy and discounted child care, group coaching, and yoga classes; often, there are free support groups for various situations. The Internet can be used to find bartering groups when it comes to services that you might need for your home, business, or healing. The universe has much help available. There are pleasant surprises waiting for you.

About Author
Lisa  Selow
Lisa Marie Selow is a life coach and modern mystic, specializing in liberating women’s courage and authenticity. Lisa has a passion for guiding women in turning around the pain of their life stories into positive, healing, triumphant transformations Continue reading