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Will I Look Like My Mother?

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Will I Look Like My Mother?

Why We Fear Getting Older
Jean  Haner
Jean Haner More by this author
Mar 18, 2010 at 10:00 AM

Just the other day a woman in one of my workshops said she hated seeing her face turn into her mother’s. I think many people can relate to this! They remember the negative aspects of their parents’ personalities, and don't want to go down that road themselves.

But I think one of the reasons so many of us are so afraid of getting old is that in our culture overall, we see overwhelmingly negative examples of how people age. As most people get older, they tend to hold onto their hurts and disappointments, become more discouraged and weighed down by stress, and slowly shut their hearts. Their faces reflect the message of that downward spiral and it makes our own energy drop just by looking at them. Why would anyone want to get older if we’d end up looking like that? But what if our light didn't go out as we aged? What if we were not only able to retain our joy and hopefulness, our vitality of spirit, but we were able to become more radiant as we grew older? Have you ever seen an elderly person who, despite plenty of wrinkles, you find absolutely gorgeous? This is probably because her heart is still open—she’s not diminished by her difficult life experiences, but enriched.

In her wonderful book, Five Spirits, my friend Lorie Eve Dechar writes about Taoism and how it teaches that the ultimate goal of the human journey is to become a sage, one who has become whole and gained mastery in her life. The original Chinese character for the word sage is a picture of a dancing child. This conveys the idea that a sage is a person who can combine the wisdom of experience with the innocence and spontaneous joy of a child.

This is not a state that you maintain from birth, or somehow restore after you’re grown up. You only become a sage through living consciously, working to learn and evolve as a result of all your life experiences, creating a wholeness that includes all of your suffering, all your broken parts, as well as your triumphs and joys. But we’re not taught how to navigate life in this way. Instead, the models we see are people who grow more negative or discouraged as they age, whose disappointments and stresses accumulate in their systems and block their growth and development. No wonder we’re afraid of aging, if that's what it’s like!

So how do you do it differently? How can you successfully achieve that state of “dancing child?” You must live your authentic life, one that’s in alignment with your true nature. When you’re in balance within yourself, you can dance with whatever comes your way. Face reading helps you discover your own personal map to follow and finally become who you were meant to be.

My knowledge of face reading continues to give me new insights and helps me understand myself in ways that allow me to no longer blame myself for being who I am. Instead I can go through life with a lightness of spirit, and if I do get off balance, I'm able to use what I know to come back to center very quickly. My goal is to achieve “dancing child” status and end up being one sparkly old lady! Want to join me?

About Author
Jean  Haner
Jean Haner teaches powerful techniques to “read” people’s inner natures. With a 25-year background in the ancient Chinese principles of balance and health, Jean places an emphasis on compassionate and affirming ways for people to live in alignment wi Continue reading